I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Well, not lately, more like since the end of my Spring 2011 semester. And even more thinking back in mid-July when I was taking a New York State teacher certification exam.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just plain tired of and disgusted with the education field. I'm fed up with being discouraged by the state of education in the United States. I've grown to resent education professors and faculty at my school, and will even go as far as to say that I've despised teachers that I have observed and worked alongside in a certain New York City public high school.
When this semester started and I attended the first class of my Special Education class, I decided that I was done with being an English Adolescent Education major. It just isn't for me right now. Maybe when education in America is taken seriously again and a new wave of reform begins, I will go back to school to complete my certification. And maybe, just maybe, then, I will begin to teach English in a New York State high school, like I once aspired to.
For now, I am changing my major back to my first love--English. I plan on continuing my education in graduate school immediately after I receive my bachelor's from St. John's University in the spring of 2013. I'm also looking to either double major or minor in film studies, a field I've become extremely interested in after being exposed to film genre and film history classes at St. John's. I decided that becoming an expert in a certain field of English and teaching that specialty in a college setting is more in the direction that I want to go. I want to be able to enlighten future English majors with the knowledge I've absorbed and researched for so many years. I have been eagerly awaiting graduate school and my doctorate degree. I can't wait to start talking with professors that I've grown to admire about my future studies.
I will admit that for quite a while, I didn't want to admit to all of this. I kept telling myself, "I love what I'm studying. Once I start doing it, I'll love it. I just need to go through these requirements over the next few years." But despite this internal encouragement, I still experienced a sinking feeling in my gut. I wasn't happy doing what I was doing, and I feared that I wouldn't enjoy my future career choice. Finally, I admitted my doubts to William. He was surprised, told me it was just a phase, and that once this semester started and I began observing again, I'd fall in love with teaching all over again. But it never happened, and I began putting some serious thought and research into changing majors.
This is a good change, I know it. I already feel so much better about it, and will rest a little easier once I officially switch over. I feel better in my English classes, and know that studying literature and writing literary criticism is what I appreciate and enjoy most. It will take a lot of hard work, studying and writing, but I'm ready for it. I'm already anticipating the English department emails regarding internships for next summer.
Ultimately, I will still be an educator, but I'll feel more at ease knowing that I will work with some amazing professional experts within my field, and will be teaching students who appreciate English just as much as I do.
